the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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