I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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