he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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