Pants 0. Shit 1.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize