We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
