that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
