Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
COCAINE IS GR8
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
