Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
