Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
