So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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