Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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