Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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