Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
