I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
