Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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