I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
