Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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