Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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