So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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