sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Someone came in the potted fern
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize