You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
