he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Verdict: uncircumcised.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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