her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
