upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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