you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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