there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
