Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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