I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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