We're facebook friends in real life
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
