I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
