i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
