have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
