I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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