this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
sarcasm needs its own font
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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