4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
