I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
