im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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