well I can't set my house on fire every night
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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