My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
