he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize