Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
