So drunk its hurt
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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