yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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