I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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