guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This baby is an asshole
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
