Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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