My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
