Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
