I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
