Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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