My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
