im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
