Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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