My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I love having hate sex.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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