i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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