I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
