I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Is it because I queefed?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
