party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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