I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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