i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
