Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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