her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
