Porn is love you can see.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
