i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
