just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
