I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
