You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
