hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
