I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
