Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize