I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
