Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
