You're completely useless in the revolution.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
